Trump Goes Transhuman

But not like that.

Photo by Chris Linnett on Unsplash

(Washington, D.C.) — After yet another drug bender, our unserious leader Donald Trump (HERO OF THE IMPERIUM) posted an absolutely vile photo of him vomiting up some alphabet soup. It reads as follows;

“There will be no deal with Iran except UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER! After that, and the selection of a GREAT & ACCEPTABLE Leader(s), we, and many of our wonderful and very brave allies and partners, will work tirelessly to bring Iran back from the brink of destruction, making it economically bigger, better, and stronger than ever before. IRAN WILL HAVE A GREAT FUTURE. ‘MAKE IRAN GREAT AGAIN (MIGA!).’ Thank you for your attention to this matter! President DONALD J. TRUMP”

I’m not sure any of those words mean what he seems to think they do. Not only that, bombing a place is one thing, but surely it’s a little beyond the pale to threaten someone that we’ll let Americans run their country, yes? Cruel and unusual doesn’t even begin to cover it.

After making such a post, however, the Supreme Court quickly declared Donald to be a parody of a human being. Which is really just making the de facto official, but being official, parody is protected speech. As such, he now has abused a loophole by making himself into protected speech, making him legally immune to most prosecution, unlike the bullshit immunity granted by the same court in 2024.

“We’re a bunch of fucking judges. How did we not come up with this before?” said Clarence Thomas, while wearing matching beer can hats with Brett Keganaugh.

It is a mystery!