Historic Firsts at State of the Union Address

We did Nazi this coming

(Washington, D.C.) — As he so often does, Oompa Loompa enthusiast Donald Trump decided to overturn tradition last night by being the first Vice President to give the State of the Union address. Which didn’t include much about the State of the Union but did include a little over an hour and a half of him verbally masturbating about his own greatness.

It is not known why President Musk allowed his trained chimpanzee to deliver the speech in his place. Perhaps he was worried his “autism” might flare up and cause him to give another public Nazi salute or two.

Tradition was also thrown against the wall in the content of the speech, which included almost no references to future plans, other than veiled threats towards Social Security. It is baffling why President Musk would try forcing the elderly back into the workforce since they can’t keep up with his favoured twenty hour shifts.

In yet another first, Al Green (D-TX) was removed from the circle jerk for the crime of having a spine, which offends the bullies currently running our government (into the ground). In a stunning show of solidarity, Democrats did fucking nothing to protest this outrageous faux pas, once again cementing that they are not an opposition party so much as less racist Republicans.

We hope you didn’t watch this dumpster fire because you will never get that time back and you could have been watching a film instead. It would have been more factual by default.